“Well she was an American girl raised on promises, she couldn’t help thinking that there was a little more life somewhere else, after all it was a great big world, with lots of places to run to…”
I have yet to cry. I thought the airport would do me in but for some reason there are these thoughts in the back of my head that keep me from falling to the floor kicking and screaming. The other night I had the most insightful phone call with my father. My father is my rock in life; he has been through more traumas in his life than anyone I know. I was telling him about the people I have met on my journey and created a family with. I told him my heart hurt when I thought about leaving them. We talked about how much I just wished we all went to the same school. I talked for what seemed like forever until finally he cut me off. He said, "Morrill, isn't that the beauty of this trip you've taken? These people that have become a part of you will never leave you. They have taken too much space in your heart to ever be forgotten. All you have to do is jump on a plane and in less than a day you can see them. You met these people through travel and now you can still continue the travel at home. Whatever it takes you will get to them, I know you, and I know you will." At first I was upset with him for not understanding what saying goodbye here is really like. But now I've had a couple days to sit on it and honestly, he couldn't be more correct. I don't feel sorrow when saying goodbye because I know these people will never leave my life. I'm more thankful for you all then you will probably ever know. I'm not the most emotionally showing of people and I know my sarcasm can be misleading. But truly you have changed me. Cliche? Yes. Honest? Most definitely. I came on this trip with a lot of "baggage", pardon the pun, between school, friends, relationships, and a lot of other things weighing down on my shoulders, I was, to say the least, apprehensive. My parents didn't even support my decision at first, believing home would be the better of remedies. But somehow the trip just seemed like something I had to do. I remember saying goodbye to my parents and wondering if I would survive the journey or be broken even more. And then the most wonderful, beautiful, special thing happened. I met all of you. You all remember the first day with me in the airport WAY over excited. I’m sure I looked like a chipmunk on acid, bouncing off the walls. I honestly can say I don’t regret being that excited. You all exceeded my expectations, through friendship, love and trust. In my whole 20 years on this earth I have never felt more “me” with a group of people than I am with you all. I feel like I’m truly surrounded by family even when were just bumming around. Being an only child my friends become my siblings. I know I don’t come off as the kind that is super sweet and caring and mushy, but at the end of the day I’m just a big puddle of love when I think of you all. We have done the most amazing things together on this journey that I can’t forget you even if I tried. I’ve told some of you that for the first month I’m home I probably won’t be in much contact with anyone. I say this because I need time to miss you, to know how much I truly appreciate you. My greatest fear is going home and never hearing from some of you and that heartbreak is too much to handle. This is probably the worst break up I will ever go through, because that’s exactly what it is. The kind of breakup where no one was dumped or destroyed. The kind where your heart just uncontrollably aches day in and day out because you know you could have stayed together if that one little thing didn’t get in your way. It hurts and hurts for what seems like an eternity. You can literally feel the soul ache in these situations. Maybe it’s the 20-hour solitary layover talking, but I know I feel changed. I will never be the same person I was four months ago. This is terrifying and exciting all at once. I went to bed last night surrounded by stunning people, people that glow. As my head hit the pillow I could tell things were different. Today I feel like I’m running out of air. The pull of going home against the pull of staying is heart breaking. You all know I’m going home as a surprise. It will be an amazing experience to see their shocked faces. But I guarantee in the back of my head I’ll wish I were surprising all of you. In the airport last night I saw two American boys waiting in security n front of me, I grew angry and frustrated listening to their voices. It just doesn’t feel right to hear an American voice and not have it be one of you all.
If there was one thing I could ask from you all its just to please stay in touch. Write to me about anything; anything. It could be what you ate for breakfast, what your doing that night, when your test is, how your nervous about grad school. Because for the last four months you did tell me these things, and I loved hearing them. For the last four months I knew everything about you, and experienced so much with you. I have never written something like this before because I don’t see the point and I certainly don’t want the attention. I just needed you all to know what you meant to me.
YOU make me ME and for that I am nothing but thankful. Thank You.
My favorite memory with you: just being.
Much Love, Hugs, And Kisses,
MoMo
